My daughter is in her terrible two’s and has just started throwing tantrums this past month. Today was one of those never ending tantrum days. I was backed up with work preparing for convention and she was overtired from a day at the park with her grandparents. I ended up loosing my cool, she ended up crying to sleep. I sat watching her sleep thinking how could i have handled it differently? Should i have spoken words of love and comfort, letting her know i am here for her, i understand she is upset and am here to help her whenever she is ready- as I’ve spoken before, or was it okay that i let her cry it out this time? I started thinking about how recently it’s been snail paced days getting things done with her. Choosing what she wants to eat, where she wants to eat, what she wants to wear, when and how she wants to bathe, even the smallest thing as to how she wants to hold her cup. Most days we take each day at a time, working slowly, making decisions together, letting her independence grow and her personality develop. Don’t get me wrong, she is a very independent little girl who does the majority of her personal tasks (be it at a snails pace) where i just have to keep an eye on her Alhamdullilah, and that is exactly how i like it. Most days i understand that is what she needs, she isn’t me, and therefore wont find comfort in doing things my way. My job is helping her find her way of doing things, and honing those to our way of life. If she wants to carry the cup to the table before the plate, that is fine, she can carry the cup and come back for the plate, as long as she sits at the table and eats. But then there are days we don’t have time to work at a snails pace. Some days i have to carry the plate and the cup at the same time to the table for her, and even with me explaining to her why mama has to do it- some days she’ll understand others will bring on a tantrum, it makes me wonder how it’ll impact her in the long run. Will too many mama has to take over days damage our relationship in the future? Put thoughts of my mama doesn’t love me, and doesn’t understand me into her head? Are these tantrums due to me recently having a busier personal schedule and not letting her make as many of her own decisions? I mean i wouldn’t like it either if i was forced to do or eat something i didn’t want. First and foremost i am a mother and then comes all other tittles and responsibilities, so am i giving priority to things which can be put on the back burner? Are these things I’m giving priority to really worth it?
My brains a constant rut of thoughts so letting them be I carried her to bed, tucked her in and went back to work. When i opened my laptop i saw a tab i had opened a few days ago; a video i wanted to watch but never got time to titled “Instead Of Joking About Our Kids Needing Counseling One Day, What If We Really Thought About It?” (I am always amazed by how Allah always bring forth what is relevant in my life at just the right time) It is a TEDx video on parents and the impact they have on their childrens mental state of mind. Of course i watched it and it left me with chills. As a parent Allah has given me such a huge responsibility. It is in my hands who my daughter will be, it is in my hands to mold her personality. If Allah has placed Jannah below my feet, think about what Jannah is and what people have to do to get to Jannah? Just think about that for a second…. then think about what responsibility is placed on us to have Jannah below our feet! Is this a responsibility i can be successful at? The speaker in the video said,
“They speak of a hunger that only only a parent can appease, of a thirst only a parent can quench.”
and i can’t get those words out of my mind. What if i make the wrong decisions unintentionally? What if i damage my daughter emotionally? I was finally brought to ease with the thought of my Lord. It brought me solace knowing i can always turn to my lord and ask him to correct where i have erred. May Allah grant us all the ability to raise our children not based on what our family or society thinks we should, but according to Islam with love and patience and acceptance of who they are, not who we want them to be.